But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
