Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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