You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
