...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
