just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
