doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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