And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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