Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
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I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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