I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
