The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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