none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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