I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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