I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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