The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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