mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
