K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
