what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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