Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
