is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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