Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
