when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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