Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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