No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The uberlube is also flammable
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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