Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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