she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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