At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
