The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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