I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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