My first STD was from a foam party
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
