The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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