I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
