Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
