Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
