I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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