So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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