I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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