I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
