butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
