Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
