we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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