what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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