Having a random hookup so left but love u
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
