i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't trust your balls anymore.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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