the day after is always just damage control
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
