Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
