it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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