He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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