Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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