His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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