i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
