Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
