he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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