First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize