I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
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Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize