i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
