i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
