I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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