I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
