your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
