my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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