dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
