I think i peed on brittanys purse
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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